When we're in relationships, it's easy to tell that our partner is having an affair. Do you think that maybe a job is quite a bit like a relationship after the dating period?

Right now, you're probably asking yourself when is the dating period in a job? Well, I'm not talking about traditional dating. In the work environment, the interview is the sizing up period to help both parties decide whether they really do want to start dating and form a more regular, committed relationship. I've talked about that in the past.

You get hired for all the right reasons. You have a solid grasp of what's expected of you. You're a team player, thorough, tactful, insightful. But one day, you start getting that uncomfortable "other" feeling. It's comparable to when your partner is seeing someone else and their attention is divided. So work life has a lot of parallels to our social and romantic lives. The work environment is a relationship and we even spend more time at work than we do at home.

But that nagging feeling that something is amiss is not your imagination. It's real and there are telltale symptoms of the fact that something other than the up and up is going on. There are the nervous statements that just don't sit well. There are challenges and accusations. A well-placed insult works well to quiet someone because you definitely don't want to rock the boat, so you just take it and chalk it up to pressure. It's pressure all right. There are also the fault-finding expeditions and blaming. Statements you make are distorted and you start wondering if your "partner" still speaks the same language you do.

The other thing that happens is the secretiveness. You're only allowed to know certain things; you're omitted on certain communications or don't receive them at all. Although you're one of the key players, you're not advised of mission plans or things that directly impact your work. A strange thing starts happening. You're asked to disclose certain parts of your work that are usually confidential. But these pieces need to be shared because a report was only partially produced. The pieces need to be compared so that the report can be corrected. You're pitted against your co-workers and accused of trying to build a case against them when you, in exasperation, finally say something about their uncooperativeness.

Then you meet a visitor to the office; a really great person. Attractive, confident, wonderful credentials. They're going to be visiting from time to time. The trouble is, they're supposed to be working with you but as the dictates of their periodic involvement are rolled out, they're spoken of as the regular. You find something that shows their background, which is extremely similar to yours but just a bit more.

The guest then disappears to never be heard from again until you reach out to them two or three times. Although it's said that they've not gotten started on their involvement yet, you later find pieces of work they've done during the silent time.

No, you're not being paranoid. Yes, you have a right to be annoyed. There's an "other" in your work life for one thing. The boss is being a classic abuser for another. And the boss is building a case in order to justify your termination. Isn't it great that your replacement is already conveniently in-house as well as versed on the projects you've been doing?

What are some things that you can do? Don't play to the insanity. If the statements Boss is making are outrageous, let him or her know they are. If the recitation of what was to be done or what was said is inaccurate, say so but don't be argumentative. Be reasonable. Lay out the logical steps involved in what Boss is claiming to be correct. Don't say "this is stupid because..." Instead, simply enumerate the project and the irrational process involved is set up. Let Boss connect the dots. Usually when there's an "other" around, some projects take on an additional cost aspect that also puts pressure on Boss. Simply point out where the extra, costly steps are. Wait to hear whether you're still supposed to follow that course. Sometimes Boss will need a little help to see the point (these are the pencils that were sharpened yesterday). Simply point out how much additional time the extra steps will take, what will not get done on time, and the image the clients will get due to the missing deliverables.

You've probably had your own experience with discovering there's an "other" in your relationship life. It's wise to acknowledge it to yourself early on and deal with it effectively. The other thing you need to do is acknowledge that loyalty in this relationship is a low-cost commodity. Quietly and discreetly cut back your hours to the amount that you're supposed to put in. During lunches and off-work time, start your job search. Do your networking. Don't get caught off guard by walking into the office one day to be invited into Boss's office in order to hear that things just aren't working out any more.