Fear is the number one reason my clients do not achieve their goals. Whether it is fear of failure or fear of success, this psychological obstacle can cloud one’s judgment and cripple learning and growth. Fear can lead to procrastination and perfectionism which DO NOT serve you! Here our some of my thoughts on fear based on my professional experiences in my private practice.

What is fear?

Fear is a common and natural emotion that is imbedded in our sub-conscious mind. Fear is a reaction of the mind to either a perceived or real danger. A new or risky situation can trigger this normal automatic warning system. This “fight or flight” response can be activated when we are confronting any new challenge. These can include new skills, experiences, changes, social situations and jobs. It’s perfectly normal to feel some trepidation when facing something new. According to Dr. Jeffrey Hull typical fight symptoms include anxiety, manic behavior, workaholism and obsessive busyness. He goes on to say that flight symptoms tend to be boredom, depression, lethargy and laziness.

Dr. Hull explains the process. “First something happens, next you have a thought about what happened and then you have a reaction to what happened.” Often this powerful reaction creates a hesitation or worse abandonment of the change we seek impeding our path to our potential. An excessive amount of fear is unconstructive, but an appropriate dose of fear can motivate us to action. Dr. Hull states that, “Fear can block you from stepping out of your rut and pursuing your dreams. On the other hand, it can be a motivator and energizer, but you have to see it that way.”

Real or Imagined

Fear is either real or imagined. Real fear is the current situation based on facts, not emotion. Start by questioning your fear by asking yourself, “Is what I am afraid of real or perceived?” It’s a good idea to put a lot of your attention on noticing which of your fears are based on imaginary events and which are based on real events. Next, separate the facts from the emotion you have added to it. This way you can analyze your fear to determine if it is based on facts or false evidence.

Real fear can be dealt with or endured. Imaginary fear cannot be dealt with or endured because they are not real. F.E.A.R. is often best described as: False Evidence Appearing Real. Most things we fear come to pass. It can be just an illusion that hinders the decision-making process. This can create “Analysis Paralysis” which sabotages our desire to change. The Bottom Line: We stay stuck and can’t move forward. By using this “Imaginary Threat” vs. “Real Threat” model, you can choose your reaction. You can then face it, and move through it.

Feel the Fear

Fear is a state of mind. The first step to overcoming fear is to recognize when you are afraid according to Dr. Hull. When you feel the fear, acknowledge it and then identify the source. He states, “Name the fear, describe what you are afraid of, look at your symptoms, and don’t push it away. Next, step back and create a space between you and the fear. Witness it, get grounded, take a deep breath and stretch.”

Fear is a self-fulfilling emotion. If you focus on fear you will become more afraid. Fear can make your mind run wild with negative thoughts. The solution is to control your state of mind by controlling your thoughts. If you can control your thoughts you can control your destiny. Take a step back and accept the fight-flight response. If the fear surrounds something you want, then don’t act on the impulse to flee. The key is to acknowledge the fear, then erase the tape with positive thoughts then only obsess about those positive thoughts. Refocus and reframe this situation so you can develop an action-plan that will address the fear. By feeling the fear you can face straight on and begin the path to the other side.

External and Internal Barriers

Whether imaginary or real, internal and external barriers are often used as an excuse for avoiding action. External barriers can include: 1) societal expectations to conform, 2) family expectations and 3) stereotyping in regard to age, race, sex, etc. Internal barriers can include: 1) procrastination, 2) ambivalence, 3) low confidence, 4) fear of risk-taking, making a wrong decision, change, failure, success, and 5) stereotype about self with regard to age, race, sex, etc. It’s important to ask yourself, “Is this fear in proportion to reality or is my imagination creating a disaster situation?”

As we go through the life cycle, our fears tend to build. The more we have, the more we have to lose. For example, a new college graduate has a lot less to lose by picking up and moving across the country for a new job than a single parent of three children with a mortgage. Fear and trepidation hold us back from moving forward. We tend to choose safety over self-actualization because we fear the unknown. We are troubled with the ambiguity of the future. An authentic life is not without fear. Accept the presence of fear, but don’t live a life based on fear. Overcoming fear involves risk, sacrifice, courage and faith. Beating it will lead to you becoming the person you were born to become. I encourage you to follow your dreams even if you are scared out of your mind.

Tom’s Tip: “Fear is a path to the dark side.” - Yoda